Growing up, i was quite a strange child. while my classmates frolicked in the sand box, i spent hours pondering my peers as I fought to untangle this mystery that we call life. In fact, I continue such behaviors even to this day; you can find me most days staring out the windows of the library, reflecting on the people as they walk (or jog) by. One such mystery of life that i've spent countless brainstorm sessions deciphering is that of the male-female relationship.
You see, a couple of months ago i was hanging out with some friends when Toby Keith's "should have been a cowboy" came on the radio (o hey, texas). i'm not sure what that song is still doing on the radio, but ever since then, it seems to hum like a soundtrack in my mind whenever I interact with a male. this is the story of how toby and I came to reject the traditional "men are jerks women are perfect angels waiting for mr. right" model of relationships.
I'm pretty sure that over 75% of my life has been spent talking about boys with my girlfriends, whispering about boys with my girlfriends, singing aloud about boys with my girlfriends, or sitting in a room silently wondering about boys with my girlfriends. So basically, i'm an expert. I've come to understand that men, rather than the chronic ass-holes that most women perceive them to be, may just be misunderstood.
The Cage Theory (23 years in the making).
Hypothesis:
If they were allowed, most men would live a nomadic life, coming and going as they please; pursuing resources and treasures of unknown lands, while sustaining themselves from nature and surviving off their pure brute strength.
What I think of when I think of men in their most natural state:
or, in texas:
(cowboys and nomads; they're essentially the same thing)And just for good measure and equal representation among the sexes:
What I think most men think of themselves:
So, somewhere along the way, over the past how-ever-many years that man and woman has inhabited the Earth (i'm not into history) women have found a way to transform the original nomadic/cowboy man into a pansy-ass 9-5'er who is forced to attempt to mind-read, emotionally nourish, and entertain the strangely appealing mystery that is the woman's psyche. I assert that this is not natural; actually, it may be down right contrary to all that is man.
You see, modern woman matured much faster than the archaic man (duh), and had to find a way to reform his nomadic ways to that of a more stationary, stable, or civilized lifestyle. She found that if she could get a man just close enough, she could cage him into commitment and rejection of his wandering ways.
Caging tactics include, but are not limited to: cooking, deep-frying, superfulous flesh-baring, artificial eye lashes, pretending to like sports, slutty Halloween outfits, and the ever popular "playing hard to get"
Shakira: at lease she's honest about her preferred caging style.
It is here that woman breaks the spirit of man, and that the false pretenses of relationship destroy the beauty of companionship.
A few pertinent examples or post-caging tragedies:
dating: "darling, i know last week i was super-hot, fun, and flirty; but i'm actually just as crazy, obsessive, and emotionally unstable as your last girlfriend. welcome to this relationship!"
CAGE formed, too late for escape.
marriage: "darling, lets decorate the enormous bed of our huge suburban style cage with 50 scratchy and non-machine washable pillows! try not to touch them outside of the 30 minutes you spend removing and replacing them each day."
children: "darling, why don't you strap the baby onto the front of your chest with this strange (toffee-brown version) multi-strap contraption while you take out the trash of smelly diapers?" (this one needs a picture)
CAGED (for at least 18 more years)
the list goes on......
the point is that often times, in current society, women expect of men that which is both unnatural and completely unrealistic. so much emphasis has been placed on the insensitivity of the male, than many have forgotten the true nature of his being.
don't get me wrong, i'm not hating on women. we all know men suck at relationships, too. but let's be honest, women, do you understand what you're doing? i can stay silent no longer.
I know what you're thinking, "hey meg, i thought that this blog was all about joy and peace. what's the deal?" well, here she comes.
shortly after the early development of the cage theory, i had the opportunity to share my theory with an actual man! andy mac:
Andy mac during one of his brilliant brain storming sessions on the floor of the library.He enlightened me; "Meg, it all depends on who is doing the caging. What if the cage was more of a structure".
And Andy mac was sooo right. What if we all tried to understand where the other person was coming from, instead of pursuing our own selfish desires? compassion transforms cage to structure.
Life lesson:
Women: do you understand now why your man has trouble verbally communicating?!?! Give him a break, he's still many evolutionary years behind you! but don't lose hope, he'll catch up, he may just need some help along the way.
Men: With great freedom comes great responsibility. Now that your woman may understand more about your true colors, you are not precluded from proper hygiene, social skills, or fidelity.
Are you unhappy about your cage? Tear it down and build a gender equality structure. some prefer a house in the suburbs (barf), while others go for the Manhattan loft (yes, please). Either way, a little understanding on the sides of both sexes will take us all a long way.
